There are plenty of spiritual heroes out there who will tell you the key to happiness is to live in the present. Basically, we’re supposed to forget about the past and not harp on the future.

I had been hearing about this living in the now business for quite some time. But like many, I thought the concept was some hocus pocus bologna. We all have to plan for the future, right? And how can I possibly forget how that kid in third grade told me I had a flat face?

With all honesty, I never really thought I had a problem with living in the future or the past. Until one day when my cool, calm, and collective ego was completely called out.

The first Saturday night I spent in L.A., my new roomie and I went to a Mexican joint on the Sunset Strip to grab a few celebratory margaritas. As I’m sitting enjoying my Cali cocktail, I locked eyes with a stranger sitting near the doorway. I couldn’t help it. He had this unruly strawberry blonde hair and a mischievous smile that just made me laugh. It was one of those moments in life that you completely pass off as just another ordinary occurrence, and then months later you realize how it changed your life.

After accusing me of smiling at him, my staring partner handed me his business card. I threw it in my purse and didn’t give it much thought until I found it again a few weeks later. Since I didn’t have many friends, I thought it be worth emailing him. What was the worse that could happen, right?

A few months after I innocently accepted his business card, I found myself sitting in the passenger seat of his car, staring out the window onto Sunset Strip (poetic, isn’t it) when my eyes began to fill with tears. I finally turned to him and asked that dreaded question: “What are we doing?”

Obviously, what I really wanted to know was where this relationship going. Read between the lines: Are you my boyfriend? But he never addressed my question. Instead, he gave me the answer I needed to know: “We’re spending time together,” he replied.

We’re spending time together? What does that even mean, I thought to myself. I would have preferred to hear one of those usual guy answers like, “I’m not ready for commitment,” or “I just thought we were hooking up.” Or even, “I have an arranged marriage.” But instead I get The Power of Now-type answer, ugh.

At this point, I had two choices: I could allow my insecurities to throw away this beautiful friendship we had created, or I could look inside myself and figure out why this all didn’t feel so great. Thankfully, I chose the former.

At the time, I was 23 years old and I had recently escaped an engagement. Obviously, a new committed romantic relationship really wasn’t what I needed at the time. But since I was so caught up in my past conditionings (thinking I needed a title and a boyfriend) and my future expectations, I never stopped to notice that he and I were having a pretty fun time together. In reality, I had a lot of work to do inwardly, and the last thing I needed was an outward distraction.

I was so busy overanalyzing what this relationship “was,” that I barely took the time to appreciate the gift that was in my present. We did end up spending two uncommitted years together, and for the most part, every moment with him was absolutely lovely. And although he never became my boyfriend, he taught me patience, understanding, and reintroduced me to the free spirit I always was. Those things are priceless to me, and totally worth the girl-likes-boy torture.

We, girls, are always in a hurry. We’re always in a rush to define “what we’re doing.” But what’s the point? If you think about it, we’re racing to a place that won’t really make us happy once we arrive. Because based on our track record, the present is never enough, which basically leaves us waiting all the time.

Understanding that today is all we have is the cure to anxiety, worry, procrastination, and general unhappiness. You can’t change the past. It happened exactly how it was meant to occur. And the future will never arrive.

You are not living your potential if your focus is somewhere other than the present. And believe me, it’ll be really hard to get anything done from where you’re standing. You’ll be in a constant state of disappointment if you continue to think that your past or future are better places. Because guess what? Neither exist. But the present does.

Living in the moment doesn’t happen over night. And it’s not a concept that you master once and never have to revisit again. Just like keeping a healthy diet, living in the present is a lifestyle. It takes daily practice.

One strategy I find to be very helpful is listening. I wasn’t always a good listener. Usually, I get so excited by conversation that my mind begins to run on super speed. Before I know it, I’m interrupting my fellow converser left and right, leading us to a thousand confusing tangents.

Be aware of your listening skills. When someone is talking, are you thinking of something else? Are you trying to predict what the other person is about to say? Are you judging the conversation? If you truly listen to someone, you’re already living in the present. Plus, you’ll win some new friends fast. Who doesn’t like to be heard?

Another great way to practice now living is by being thankful. By expressing gratitude for the things you have right now, you are accepting your current state. When we focus on the things we lack, we’re automatically taking ourselves to another place other than the here and now.

Gratitude unveils your true reality and reminds you that, well, it ain’t that bad. The more you appreciate the here and now, the more you’ll want to hang out in that place. And for my fellow Type A-ers: the now is where you create and accomplish goals. Enjoying right now is how, well, dreams come true.